Yes, this is going to be me ranting about something. Again.
A little over a month ago, I had to deal with a situation that I truly didn't want to deal with. Here's some back story to lead into said situation.
I got engaged in November of 2009. We quickly set a date, got our engagement photos taken and ordered Save-The-Dates. In receiving our STD's, we asked friends and family for their addresses. To a point, we didn't have a set guest list when doing this, but whomever we sent a STD to, would receive an invitation. We were very vocal in the fact that if we did not receive their address for the STD's, they would not be receiving an invitation. I had several friends who took a little while to send me their address, but without much prodding, I got it out of them. Except for one person. Every single time I would ask her for her address, she would respond with, "Oh yeah. I keep forgetting. I'll get that to you A-Sap." (Now mind you, all of our communication was via either msn messenger or facebook comments/messaging.) Now why she chose to respond with that, instead of her address, I do not know. In March, we sent out STD's. We had quite a few left, so we went back to others that either hadn't responded, like said person above, as well as added a few extra people. Again, after continuously commenting and messaging said friend, her response would always be something along the lines of, "I keep forgetting, I'll text it to you." Again, I do not know why she just didn't type out her address to me. Fast forward to late July. I woke up one morning and proceeded to check facebook. When I logged in, I had a comment from her with her address. No explanation as to why it took so long, but it was randomly there. I proceeded to inform her that unfortunately, I didn't have anymore invitations and couldn't justify paying $50 for another box of 30, when I only needed one. Because I was upset at the fact that I had to tell her this, I went to my message board to ask for advice on what I should do. I was then told that I was in the wrong for turning someone away. I told the ladies on the message board exactly how I had put it to my friend in the beginning when I asked for her address, I also told them exactly how I had put it to her in the process of practically begging for her address and exactly how I had put it to her after she had given me her address so late. Again, I was told that I was in the wrong for telling her that she couldn't attend. I brushed off what these ladies said and stuck to my guns in the fact that said friend could not attend as she would not be receiving an invitation.
Today, I logged onto my message board and found a thread that was roughly along the same lines as above. She was worried about people not RSVP-ing and then showing up out of the blue and what she should do about it. Again, the ladies on the message board started in on her about how whatever she does, do not turn someone away. It's rude and that it's not right to turn someone away that you invited. So, of course, me being the bitch that I am, I had to chime in. And this was my response:
"I don't see why it's harsh to turn people away if they randomly show up. Me, personally, if someone doesn't have the respect to RSVP, then they don't deserve my respect of allowing them to attend/stay. Especially if someone is having a sit down dinner, where it's served to someone. Your caterer asks for numbers that have to be turned in so far in advance and typically they DO NOT make extras. I know that my caterer told me that they will not make any extras and that once it's gone, it's gone. So I don't have a problem turning someone away. It's all a matter of respect, in my opinion. If they can't respect you, they don't deserve your respect."
Thankfully, so far, I have yet to be yelled at *knocks on wood*, but I know that it's coming. But truth be told, I don't care. Just like with my situation, my friend didn't have the respect of getting me her address, so why should I give her the respect of being able to attend. It's a respect issue. Plain and simple. I know that I've been called a "bridezilla" simply because I am not afraid to speak my mind when it comes to STD's, Invites or RSVP's and 99.7% of my piece of mind goes against what "etiquette" says. The "etiquette" of weddings was written some 50+ years ago, I'm sure, and quite frankly, I don't see how most of it is even relevant these days. (This is a completely different subject that I feel strongly on, so I will save it for another post later on, but I am going somewhere with all of this.) Most of wedding "etiquette" is based upon manners and being courteous. I'm not saying that people today don't have manners, although I'm quite certain that this statement might be rather true, but today's manners are completely different from what they were 50+ years ago. But I'm fairly certain that the principals of respect have not changed.
Growing up, we were all taught, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". It was so prevalent in our schools here, that most classrooms actually had some kind of painting of the phrase on the walls. Even my 5-year old nephew knows this phrase. What I don't get, is why some people don't actually follow it. They expect nothing but respect, but don't give any what-so-ever. Do not come to me and treat me like crap, but then expect me to treat you like a freaking saint. Sorry, it's not going to happen. If someone shows me respect, they will get respect from me. And when it comes to my wedding, it is no different. I have no issue telling someone who shows up unannounced at my wedding that they are not welcome. I don't care if it's a family member, life long friend or an acquaintance. You don't send me your RSVP, you don't get into my wedding. Clear as glass.
I guess the entire prospect of having to allow someone to share in my special day who doesn't respect me, just unnerves me. Ugh. Alright, I'm done ranting. Sorry if I stepped on someone's toes, but.. no wait.. I'm not sorry. My opinion is my opinion. Don't like it, don't follow me.
-K
